


basic space

by hingabee



Series: basic space [1]
Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Attempted Sex, Bad handjobs, Blood, Consent Issues, Emetophobia, Explicit Gore, Exploration of gender expression, Gen, M/M, Mental Illness, Smoking, Some Misgendering, babies first goth band, birds!!!, its the early 90s and things are terrible, mentions of self harm, some barely touched military stuff, theres alot of traveling by train
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-02-03 02:51:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12739509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hingabee/pseuds/hingabee
Summary: The first thing he had noticed upon arrival was the dirt.The second thing had been; much to his irritation; that people around here tended to behappier.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mantis is normal, eli comes home

When Mantis catches sight of his reflection in the windows of the incoming train he freezes up and takes a moment, before confirming the reality of the image with a shy wave of his hand. He waits. Nobody reacts in any unusual manner; he is just a normal person at a station waving at a passerby train; saying goodbye to his family, friends; or greeting a loved one at their long awaited arrival.

Despite the furious headache clawing at his mind, Mantis smirks behind his scarf in self-content. 

Even in the cold of February there are enough people out to seriously interfere with the calm of his mind; sure it _is_ his own fault for leaving the hotel without his mask; but he can not be bothered to take responsibility and tries to ignore the ongoing invasion of alien thoughts and feelings creeping up his neck. 

A bored, metallic voice echoes through the station, announcing the upcoming arrivals and delayals. 

Mantis waits patiently; gloved hands balled into fists inside the pockets of his cheap winter jacket, eyes barely visible underneath the big woolen hat preventing his ears from freezing solid. 

Someone speaks and it takes him a moment to realise he is being addressed; as _Fräulein_ , mind you; by an approaching voice that quickly trails off, and the man belonging to it hurriedly walks past, already provided with an answer to his unfinished question, and convinced that he already had knowledge of his sought after information to begin with.

Mantis huffs and tightens the small red band around his wrist a little, twisting the rubber between his finger tips, letting it snap against his sore skin. He needs to pay more attention to shutting out other people like _this_ , and more importantly focus on hiding _himself_ away from their nosy little minds. 

As the next train rolls by he watches his reflection with more composure than before; even making eye contact with that flickering depiction of himself, although he isn’t able to keep that up for long and as the train has passed Mantis stares at the empty space of air where the offending mirror had been just seconds prior. 

_Stupid._ He thinks and snaps the rubber band again; trying to remind himself that he is only trying to trick other people into thinking he is _normal_. Not himself. 

Just as if on cue a slimy wave of self consciousness bubbles up; though Mantis fights it down as best as he can and inhales deeply through the fabric covering his mouth; he has worked hard to be able to stand at this particular station waiting for _that_ particular train. 

Admittedly, in the beginning he had been hesistant to even apply for this little ‚vacation‘, though after reluctantly talking it all through with _him_ ; Mantis grimaces into his scarf; he had been given permission to see the week off and immediatly had started packing for Berlin. 

The first thing he had noticed upon arrival was the dirt; it was way more than back… home. Though maybe that was only attributed to the fact that he rarely left his apartment by daylight, so he never had payed any attention to any potential litter or similar covering the sidewalks. 

The second thing had been; much to his irritation; that people around here tended to be _happier_ and more careless. It added an uncomfortable optimistic vibe to the general broadcast of nonsense pushing against his mind, and he had almost started _missing_ Moscow’s public depression.

He stares at his feet; so even _if_ this whole dress-up is a silly idea, as it had been from the start, there is not much he can do about it now though; this opportunity is way too precious to waste it on vain and childish notions to abort the entire thing on a whim. 

Mantis legs are itching, these stupid nylon socks had been a terrible idea and if it wasn’t for his need to stay low, he would have already ripped them off to toss them into the nearest trash can by now. 

_Come on, Eli. Please, hurry up._

Of course there is no reply, since the addressed person is still out of his range of influence, though Mantis must admit that the habit of mentally, well; it can not really be called _talking_ considering the general distance between them; to Eli in moments of boredom, or occasionally; despair; has established itself quite ruthlessly in the past six months. How pathetic. 

He scans the crowd for people with ulterior motives for what feels like the hundredth time; someone from the KGB might have followed him to monitor his movements, which, to some degree, Mantis can actually; even if grudgingly; understand and respect. The wall hasn’t been gone long and so any suspicious interaction with the west might pose a potential danger for his crumbling work space. 

He is going to have to look for a new job soon, isn’t he? 

The rubber band snaps a few more times and Mantis tries to shake off the pressure on his head, when finally a familiar presence pops up in the back of his mind.

_Eli!_ He thinks in excitement but, to his credit, carefully keeps the tied in emotions of that thought to himself. 

When there is no response though, Mantis gets a little more desperate and lets a few of them slip. 

Oh. 

Well, Eli being _asleep_ , or more precisely; completely knocked out; explains the lack of a reaction just fine. Still Mantis‘ fingers twitch with anxiety as the approaching train finally becomes visible in the distance. 

With a familiar and sluggish exhaustion he can feel Eli rouse tiredly and has to remind himself to breath slowly as to not start hyperventilating to top his embarrassingly emotional display off. 

Like a jigsaw falling into place Eli’s mind almost instinctively curls around his own and Mantis releases a shaky breath as he steps closer to the halting train. He can see himself in the glass of the windows again and almost gets distracted for a second before a familiar face replaces his own; a lopsided, sleepy grin plastered across it. 

„Hey… .“ Eli mumbles awkwardly as he steps out of the doors; a huge duffel bag slung over his shoulders, making him lean slightly forward as he stands in front of Mantis. 

„Hi.“ He says again, as if the first greeting wasn’t enough, and awkwardly stares at Mantis; still not used to them being face to face; same height and all. 

Mantis almost replies out loud before realising that his scarf most likely will muffle his speech too much to be understandable, so he decides on the easier option. 

_Hello, Eli. How was your journey?_

It is a stupid and meaningless question, considering that he has already read the others mind and knows well how exhausting the ride from London over Brussels had been. He hates catching himself being like _this_ ; a trained response to conversation he has acquired in his short time at the KGB. Being polite and professional was one of the first lessons he had to learn from working with government agents, but since Mantis had a snark to his tone; probably thanks to Eli’s influence; and never tried to hide his open dislike of working with a bunch of old, graying men, it had quickly escalated to him finding himself confronted in his superiors office. 

Apparently he had gotten „lucky“ by being sent off with only a verbal warning; Mantis isn’t sure if he wants to know what his less lucky colleagues had to endure 

Eli, though, seems to be just as irritated by that question as Mantis himself and awkwardly clears his throat; some long suppressed yearning for affection bubbling up in his chest; though he pretends that Mantis doesn’t notice and looks around to watch people embrace each other in their welcomes. 

„It was alright.“ He smiles sheepishly keeping up their little charade. „How are you though? What about your… y’know… ?“ Eli gestures in front of his face and then presses his hands against his mouth to imitate the muffled sound of filtered breaths. 

_Today is… special. I wanted to appear normal for once… ._ Mantis admits, obviously embarrassed; despite scarf and hat hiding most of his face. 

With a grin Eli leans way into his personal space and whispers, as if hes sharing the universe’s greatest secret: „Mantis… . We aren’t _normal_.“ 

Making an upset noise he would rather deny being the source off, Mantis clutches at Eli’s open coat lapels and draws him even closer; presses his cold face against his neck and shoulder and frowns a little when he notices Eli’s smell being somehow off. Still familiar, but _different_. 

_I missed you, Eli._

Eli seems almost relieved at that and pushes his ice cold hands underneath Mantis‘ jacket to wrap them around his skinny frame, causing the other to squirm in his embrace. 

„You lost weight.“ He announces unhappily as he mumbles into Mantis‘ hat. „And what’s with this outfit? You are dressed like a girl.“ 

Ah, there it is. The conversation topics Mantis would have rather wanted to avoid; but of course this is going to be discussed, it is Eli after all; stubborn and childishly curious even though he knows Mantis better than anyone. 

Well, maybe he is the _only one_ who knows Mantis after all, everyone else is either dead or believes him to be someone; _something_ ; alien and different. 

_We can eat together at my hotel._

__

__

Eli still shoves his reluctant worries at Mantis and lets his hands rest on his narrow hips, pats the fabric of his skirt. 

„I don’t think I will ever understand why you choose to wear this thing.“ He mumbles just as Mantis breaks their embrace, but lets his mind pressed close against Eli’s to find refuge from the rising pressure of voices and thoughts. 

_Looks nicer than a uniform, anyway._ Mantis does not try to hide his dislike for the olive garments Eli is wearing; he even brushes his hand through the shorn, blond hair, it is way too short like this; Eli does not look like himself. 

But supposedly neither does Mantis. 

_And don’t pretend you don’t enjoy the way it looks, Eli._ Mantis chastises him, swallowing down any and all waves of discomfort approaching at the confrontation of Eli’s lingering gazes. And worse; his thoughts. It has been easy to ignore in the past few months of written correspondence, but the sheer amount of affection and fondness; sometimes on levels Mantis does not find himself to be comfortable with; are simply overwhelming right now. 

Eli, obviously caught in his mental tracks, looks away for the first time since he has arrived and quickly withdraws his hands from Mantis coat. 

The fact that these things, thoughts, feelings, emotions; whatever really, Mantis doesn't bother; exist between and around them, and that _both of them_ had been aware of it until now, had usually made things more difficult. A lot of frustrating fights and conflicts had bloomed from this side-effect of their bond and many times that had only made things worse. Now that they are both older, the supposed problem has dissolved into something more delicate and lighter. Still; Mantis is not exactly happy about the constant confusion and uncertainty between them; considering it is pretty ridiculous that despite and _because_ of their connection the troubles had arisen in the first place.

„Christ, Mantis.“, Eli pushes them towards the station exit, successfully trying to distract from his thoughts. „Don’t assume such crass things about me.“ 

Mantis does laugh at that, though, as he hops down the stairs leading away from the tracks; holding on to Eli’s arm like the nice little girlfriend would do for the brave soldier returning home; finds himself put off by the way Eli’s thoughts and feelings have been affected by his short time in the military, by the way his _own_ do not seem to just arrange with the situation; the distance; the changes; like they used to without efforts. 

Despite the mess they carry; between and inside their minds; nobody pays any attention to them. 

For once, for _now_ , they are normal. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eli gets breakfast, mantis bleeds

During the walk from the train station to Lützowufer, where Mantis had checked into a surprisingly nice hotel the night before, the two of them barely talk, just hold onto each other as if they didn’t know what else to do with their hands. 

As they move further away from the surrounding area of the station; called Bahnhof Zoo by the locals; and make their way into Charlottenburg Mantis feels a slight relief of pressuree on his mind and hums contently, almost pulling Eli along behind him. 

„What’s with you?“ Eli mumbles in slight amusement and leans a bit closer to catch the smile in Mantis eyes. 

_My headache is getting better._ Eli seems to agree that this is a good thing and doesnt question Mantis further. Truth be told; even if people tend to be happier in this country; the folks at the zoo station had been a bit heavy and messy on Mantis mind. Most of them had been on drugs and were already drunk this early in the morning; it is especially difficult to shut out their confused and desperate thoughts without his mask. 

The hotel is in an old fashioned corner house; above the entrance a sign says _1908_ in copper letters and Mantis assumes the implication that the building has survived the bombings of the war. It is a fairly small place even if though not exactly cheap; the interior is nice and comfortable and calm; there aren’t many people and there is enough privacy for Mantis to feel safe; the only downside is the dreading bill that he somehow will have to sort out with Ocelot. 

„Expensive tastes, huh?“ Eli grins as they enter Mantis room; a double with two queensized beds and a window with a nice view on the pretty, little inner yard. There is a little table and two chairs, an old looking wardrobe; Mantis bags are carelessly placed inside, he hadn’t bothered to unpack yet; Eli throws his duffel on the end of the bed closest to the door and flops down on it. 

„God, I haven’t slept in a proper bed for months!“ he exclaims and kicks off his boots and smiles at the ceiling. „You’d think they’re letting us sleep on wooden boards with sheets put on top or something.“ 

Mantis smiles quietly at Eli’s words and walks into the tiny bathroom to put down his scarf and hat and shed his coat at the sink, avoids his reflection in the mirror as he quickly straps on his mask and sighs in relief at the immediate calm. 

_You have slept in worse places before._

Eli ignores him and sits up lazily to check out the room for any indication of a menu or further printed hotel information. 

„Come on, let’s get some food.“ He mumbles impatiently when Mantis slowly steps back into the room to unpack his bags. „Do they have breakfast here? Something like beans and bacon? Germans like sausage, right?“ 

Mantis let’s out an annoyed huff but cant stop the fondness for Eli’s rambling from spreading in his chest. Before he can reply however, Eli finally locates the menu and room service pamphlet on his nightstand with a playfully victorious shout and starts digging around in his duffle. 

„Uh, what do they pay with here again? You think they’ll take pounds?“ 

_No, Eli. You should have given this a bit more thought, hm?_

Eli frowns and makes the same offended face that he used to make as a child. 

„Well, excuse me for dropping everything to see you on my leave instead of staying back in England to spend an entire week blissfully drunk!“ 

Mantis chuckles dryly and looks over his shoulder at Eli. 

_You do not even like alcohol that much._ Something in Eli’s duffle has caught his interest. _What is that you got there?_

With a devilish smirk Eli looks up at him and waves a shiny, plastic package around before throwing it at Mantis; who catches it mid air just in time and carefully lowers it into his hands. 

Eli has brought him chocolate bars. 

  


After their food has arrived (Eli is not too happy about the typical _Frühstück’s_ bread rolls, but does; somewhat begrudgingly; accept the fried egg and tea), Mantis tips the room service politely and proceeds to hide his little stash of _Deutschmarks_ ; Ocelot had provided him with enough to manage daily life, or what he thought qualified as such anyway; in his inner coat pocket and sits down next to Eli on the bed to watch him eat. 

„You said you’d share this with me… .“ Eli notes around a mouthful of egg and looks at Mantis with narrowed eyes. 

_I am not hungry yet, perhaps later though._

Eli does not even try to hide his disappointment and worry and rolls his eyes in seeming resignation before lying back on the bed to stare at the black screen of the room’s tiny television. Mantis tries to make it up to him by lying down beside him awkwardly, painfully aware of the fact that there has been so much time and distance between them until now. 

Sleeping together had been pretty normal when they were kids; Eli had always been prone to processing his difficult past through nightmares which he had subconciously projected onto Mantis as soon as their bond had formed. Even before the two of them even had gotten close to being comfortable with being touched by each other they had spent many nights lying side be side, clinging to their connection and the others mind to find some stability to hold on to. 

They had become physically closer with time; even if at first it was only, as Eli put it, to share body heat or for other ridiculous made up reasons Mantis had long forgotten about. 

The truth was that neither of them liked being touched, by anyone, even if it was just a friendly pat on the back or shaking someones hand; both of them shied away from physical contact of any form. Regardless of that, like most children, both of them had craved positive affection and attention and had fallen into a routine of providing that to each other; silently agreeing that, as uncomfortable as holding onto each other was at first, they still preferred _this_ over any adult’s touch they had witnessed. 

Of course, with time, being physical and occasionally even subtlely affectionate with each other had become normal for them, though Mantis usually got overwhelmed pretty quickly by Eli’s vigorous displays of tenderness. 

Then puberty hit Mantis and things had gotten… difficult. 

Eli apparently had never minded being close during his own acne ridden phases; Mantis on the other hand became uncomfortably aware of his own body’s existence and it’s proximity to other people and started avoiding any and all body contact that was not absolutely necessary. Eli did not make a big deal out of it but Mantis could feel his insecurity and disappointment bubble up everytime he chose to sleep by himself instead of next to Eli. 

There still had been occasional… _moments_ between them but the last time they had lain this close to each other had been the night before Eli’s departure to the military. 

Despite it all, Mantis still feels out of place somehow; Eli apparently does not notice and continues chewing on his breakfast. 

_What do you want to do today? There seem to be many nice places around the city we could visit, they have a big zoo and several art museums._

Eli eyes him from the side and sighs, shaking his head. 

„Mantis, I’m still pretty worn out.“ He yawns to emphasise that before continuing. „Also I came here to see _you_ , not animals or some fancy art.“ Eli places the tray with the leftover food on the nightstand as he speaks. 

„Can’t we rest some more before pretending to be boring tourists tomorrow?“ 

Mantis nods against the pillow; even if he himself is not as tired as Eli, the bed _is_ comfortable. And having another mind, one that isn’t loud and confusing and upsetting, so close to his own is calming in its own way. 

He lets himself be dragged into sleep. 

  


There is a sharp, all too familiar pain; a sensation like getting repeatedly stabbed in his abdomen; as Mantis wakes and he curls onto his side before slowly slipping off the bed, careful not to rouse Eli from his light sleep. 

The room is completly dark except for what little light the window lets pass from outside and Mantis half stumbles half crawls to the bathroom trying to not bump into any obstacles on the way. As soon as he is inside he slips out of his skirt and socks before pulling down his underwear to sit down on the toilet bowl. 

Even if it is hard to spot on the black fabric; his underwear is soaked in blood and Mantis almost curses out loud at the sight of it. 

Why does it have to be _now_ of all times? 

He wipes himself off quickly and avoids to look at the red stained toiletpaper before kicking off his underpants and washing them off with the ice cold water from the sink; he knows cold water works way better than warm water does; growing up with Eli did teach him _some_ useful skills. 

Another wave of pain strikes him and he topples over, barely managing to hold on to the sink. 

„дерьмо́!“ 

Mantis tries to scrub most of the blood from the soggy piece of clothing and eventually leaves it on top of the heater in the corner to dry. Then, with a sigh, he cleans off the blood trickling down his inner thigh and wraps an expensive looking hotel towel around his waist before sneaking back into the other room to grab a new pair of underpants. Back in the bathroom he folds up some toilet paper to wedge it between his legs before pulling them up and tries to destroy any indicators of this nightly escapade before sparing one exhausted look at the mirror; the lenses of his mask reflect the almost clinical light of the bathroom that gives Mantis the shivers; before returning to the bedroom. 

He stares at the unoccupied bed for a few minutes before shrugging and crawling up underneath the blanket beside Eli and shivers a little as he feels an arm wrap around his waist. 

„What’s going on…?“, Eli mumbles sleepily and breathes against Mantis neck. „Are you alright?“ 

_My stomach hurts a little. That is all. It is probably just because I had all that candy, so don’t worry._

„Mh.“ Eli does not seem too satisfied with that answer but gently places his hand on Mantis stomach anyway and mumbles something about nutrition values and military rations before falling back asleep. 

Mantis lies awake in the dark, regretful and filled with guilt over things he is not too sure about himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eventually there will be stuff happening, i swear


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eli lies, mantis pays up

"So," Eli says while watching the hyenas fight over a dead rabbit. "You barely talk about your work in your letters." One of the animals; a slightly bulkier and darker specimen; rips off the rabbit's head and cackles victoriously as it runs behind a ominously fake looking boulder to feast on its spoils in peace. The other hyenas continue yowling and barking at each other as the rest of their dinner gets distributed between them. 

Mantis looks up at Eli from the bench he is sitting on and cranes his neck to get a better view of the spectacle; a zoo keeper throws another cadaver into the enclosure, it is bigger this time, probably a pig or the likes; and watches in fascination as the animals start tearing big chunks off flesh out of it. 

_There is not much to talk about. I used to mostly deal with spies and people trying to disrupt the government, nowadays all we do is cover up._ There are little red flowers of blood growing on the thin layer of snow as the hyenas feed and Mantis absentmindedly traces the pattern into the air with his index finger. _You would find it to be quite boring._

Eli scoffs and turns back to look at him 

„When was the last time you killed someone?“ 

Mantis frowns a little behind his mask and shrugs nonchalantly, folds his hands in his lap. Eli chuckles bitterly, shakes his head only to turn back to the hyenas and kicks at the ground. 

„But you want to. You miss it, right?“ 

A slight ache spreads in the back of Mantis‘ skull, Eli is not easy to deal with when he gets like this; manic and restless, an itch in him that needs to be scratched desperately before he falls into depression. At the point where the desire to inflict violence on someone, something becomes so strong that he becomes dangerously close to projecting that violence onto himself, a delicate game that Eli has lost enough times to wear scars and bruises from it. 

_This is a bad idea, Eli._ Mantis admits and leans back on the bench to stare into the clouded sky pushing his mind against Eli's restlessness. _There is simply too much to risk._

"Oh, come on! It's not like _you_ would let yourself get caught, eh?" The hyenas are now gnawing on the naked bones of their false prey and scraping the carcass clean in their mindless euphoria before starting to rip apart the skeleton, licking the bone marrow into their muzzles while the big one from earlier seems to have gathered most of the pig's entrails for itself. 

"Besides; it's another two months before I get to _actually_ join the SAS so I thought we could celebrate. Get into a good fight and all, make some of these kraut-wankers piss their little pants before I leave!" Finally Eli plops down on the bench beside Mantis and puts his arm around him to pat his shoulder. 

"What do you think?" 

Mantis is dimly aware that the SAS has something to do with military aircrafts; meaning actual frontline duty as opposed to the basic military training Eli has been absolving coming out on top as one of the best recruits to have ever undergone the program. 

_Why join the SAS? Do you not get enough action as it is?_

Eli leans away and pushes his lower lip over his upper. 

"That's just training! It's for _babies_! There is nothing exciting about a little hand-to-hand combat, firing a few guns at a lifeless targets and marching through the woods for twenty hours. At least you get to confront your enemy head on at the KGB!" 

_You seem to have the impression that I consider these people to be actual enemies of mine. I have no interest in that though, they merely serve the function of keeping me occupied._ Mantis sighs in exasperation and rubs his temples; this conversation is tiring him out. _Also I was not aware you were joining the SAS._

Pride swells up in Eli and as vain as Mantis thinks that to be, he feels warm content and satisfaction envelope him. 

„Oh, I applied last year shortly after I started the regular training. They had this selection testing done in Wales; we even went to Belize for jungle survival skill training; I told you about the flight in the card I sent, remember?" 

Mantis does remember; the post card is pinned at the wall above his bed back in Moscow. 

After a few minutes of silence Eli pulls at his sleeve, motions for him to get up and they walk through the snowy park, shoulder to shoulder, occasionally stopping to watch the few animals still kept outside at these temperatures. 

When they stand in front of an enclosure filled with tired looking Indian elephants Mantis can sense something similar to discomfort rise up in Eli beside him. He turns his head; still no mask today, the scarf and hat will have to do for now though he is growing increasingly frustrated with his inability to simply shut out unwelcome thoughts; and studies Eli's profile. The all too familiar set jaw and a kind of dismissive pride spread across his features; despite the dark rings underneath his eyes Eli keeps his head up high; a bit of his cropped hair peeking out from underneath his hat. 

Mantis raises his hand to brush away some imaginary blond curls from Eli's face and shivers a little; it is getting colder. 

_What is on your mind, Eli?_

Eli snorts and knocks Mantis hand away playfully before taking it into his own. 

"Why do you even ask that? You've already looked into my head, haven't you?" 

Mantis nods and feels a sheepish smile spread across his face at being called out; though it is hard to miss out on Eli's thoughts being so close to him; Mantis' fingers warming up slowly in his hold. Without his mask peoples thoughts are basically directly broadcasted into his head; and with Eli the weight of their connection is amplified by Mantis' vulnerable mind. 

_You did not like the interrogation resistance training then? That certainly was to be expected._

Eli eyes him from the side with a frown and lets go of Mantis' hand to cross his arms. There is something that uncomfortably reminds Mantis of Ocelot in Eli‘s thoughts, though he can not quite put a finger on what _exactly_ it is. He figures it has to do with the topic of interrogation. 

„I’m not weak like those other wimps! I passed the test they put us through without breaking a sweat.“ Eli snarls to himself and Mantis closes his eyes, knowingly filing away that lie for a later time. „Besides, unlike my dear comrades I’ve seen actual war before.“ 

_These kind of tests seem to be difficult for anyone absolving them, they are known for being particulary gruesome. I think that is the point behind it all._ Mantis follows as Eli strides off into the direction of a more frequented area of the park and sighs, dreading the looming influx of voices before it even starts. 

Eli is faster than him though, always a few steps ahead of him as they walk, and Mantis actually finds himself struggling to keep up, panting lightly into his scarf. 

„That’s probably true, I guess.“ Mantis is surprised at Eli giving in this quickly but still not really convinced and finds his suspicions to be confirmed when Eli looks over his shoulder back at him with a sneer on his face. 

„But I’m not just _anyone_.“ 

  


On their way back to the hotel the tension eases a bit and Mantis is ripped away from his thoughts when sudden excitement spikes in his chest almost painfully. 

„I’ve always wanted one of these! Look it’s the ones that print out the picture right away, see?“ Eli is standing a few feet behind him (Mantis has not even noticed him stopping) and points at a badly illuminated store window that is already covered in frost patterns. There is a childish glee in Eli‘s face as he explains the workings of the camera to Mantis who is trying hard to pay attention to the stumbled mess of words. 

_I do not have enough money with me to buy it, Eli. We can not afford that._

Eli is stubborn though, his excitement powering him up to relentlessly bother Mantis until he agrees to at least _enter_ the store. 

It is stuffy and smells of mothballs. Mantis almost turns on his heels when Eli leans close to him with a devious grin on his face. 

„Hey, come on! I don’t need money when I’ve got you! Try to have a bit of fun, will you?“ 

_You know that I am not fond of stealing, Eli. Let us go back to the hotel, yes?_

But Eli does not listen and heads for the display featuring the camera, carelessly grabbing a packaged one from the shelf to stuff it into his jacket, and starts digging around for additional supplies. Mantis shakes his head but with a wave of his hand the store owner looks away, seemingly didtracted by a dirty spot on the wall as Eli continues his little heist. 

In the end Mantis leaves the man a few bank notes on his desk. 

  


„I think this one came out nicely, what do you think?“ 

Mantis shrugs at the photograph being held in his face prompting Eli to growl and grab the camera again. 

_Eli… . You have taken enough pictures for tonight. You soon will run out of film if you keep going like this._

It is no exaggeration; Eli’s bed is covered in photographs; most of them being amateur tries of figuring out the camera itself. The pictures subjects range from the interior of their hotel room; something about that plastic flower on the table seems to appeal to Eli; to blurry snapshots of a very unwilling Mantis hiding behind his hands and scarf. 

„Will you take it off? Just for one picture?“ With the most pleading look on his face that he can muster Eli sits beside him and tugs softly at the offending piece of cloth. 

„Eli… .“ Mantis says out loud, voice hoarse and untrained. „I am tired and my head hurts. Let me go to sleep.“ 

At the sound of Mantis‘ words Eli perks up and pulls him close. 

„You need to keep the mask on when we go out, then. Though, admittedly,“ He smiles warmly. „I’ve missed seeing your face.“ 

For a moment they just look at each other before Mantis rolls his eyes and pulls away the scarf. 

_Hurry up, then._

Eli does not have to be told twice and after the blinding flash he leaves Mantis be, despite occasionally sparing glances at him from the corner of his eye. 

When Mantis returns from a trip to the bathroom, now masked and way more relaxed, Eli is just staring at the developed photograph in his hands with an expression Mantis would rather not recognise. 

_Good night, Eli._ he thinks as he slips into his bed. 

But Eli is deeply lost in the joys of his new toy and does not reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hyenas actually rarely fight over their food physically, they mostly compete by feeding speed which is rad


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mantis smokes, eli makes art

Lighting a cigarette turns out to be a lot harder while wearing gloves, so Mantis eventually gives up and pulls them off with his teeth, stuffs them in his pocket and visibly relaxes as he finally gets to take the first drag. 

Eli watches him with a frown and scrunches up his nose when they get enveloped by smoke. 

"So, when did this become a thing?" He kicks at a plastic bag as the two of them make their way through a dark alley way filled with garbage and graffiti. „You always said smoking was gross, remember?“ 

They exit the alley and step into the backside of the Zoo Station. Little groups of people are huddled together; drinking, laughing, fighting over petty little things; there are bright coloured signs above the stores and establishments on the sidewalk; glowing and flickering steadily to paint the melting snow in unnatural tones. 

_It’s only because of the stress. I still do not like it. But it helps with the headaches._

Eli just shakes his head and shrugs before heading towards a little newspaper kiosk at a corner, carefully stepping over a dog and what seems to be the body of an unconcious man on his way. 

_Let us go back to the hotel, Eli._ Mantis thinks, slightly disgusted by the clouds of profane and filthy thoughts on the street. _I do not enjoy this disgusting place. It is basically displaying everything I hate about humanity on one spot._ He still follows into the store and makes a face when Eli turns to grin at him in amusement over his misanthropic thoughts. 

"It’s just some addicts and homeless kids."Eli casually lets a few packs of bubblegum vanish into his pockets. "Well, and a few prostitutes, though they got rid of most of them some time ago. But it’s not literally Sodom and Gomorrah, so try to relax. And stop walking around without your mask, I told you that doesn’t help." 

Mantis just sighs and is almost not _too_ annoyed to point out that this place comes pretty close to the actual biblical definition of Sodom and Gomorrah. Though he keeps his mouth shut and watches Eli shoplift ungodly amounts of liquor before finishing his cigarette and trying to concentrate on something else than the static in his mind. 

When Eli is done and Mantis has wrapped his scarf back around and over his face they settle down on a bench outside covered in pigeon droppings and dirt. Immediately Eli begins downing some of the tiny liquor bottles, mindlessly throwing the empty ones onto the pavement to watch them shatter in his boredom. 

"This is rubbish. Can’t we do something fun tonight…?“ he mumbles, sounding like a bratty child again. 

_I did suggest that we go watch a movie earlier._ Mantis notes dryly. Eli only scoffs and throws another bottle at a house wall. 

Sighing, Mantis leans back to stare into the starless sky trying to push away the rising need for violence and the buzz of alcohol beside him. It is alright, he decides, Eli is not just here for him, he is also on leave and taking a break. But other peoples thoughts are not a welcome distraction either; so he settles on listening to the music playing from inside a shabby, little club across the street. 

_“Jeanny, quit livin' on dreams_  
_Jeanny, life is not what it seems_  
_Such a lonely little girl in a cold, cold world_  
_There's someone who needs you“_

He feels like he has heard that song before; somewhere, some time. Though it doesn’t make sense for him to recognize a mostly Geman song; they do not really have those back in Moscow. Maybe this uncomfortable familiarity is only to attribute to the fact that he is quite out of it right now. The chorus is the only part of it he can understand anyway; a shame, really; Mantis finds it to be quite catching. 

Then, almost mechanically, he sits up, points at the clubs fassade through the mess of his mind and hears himself speak, words muffled by the fabric of his scarf: 

"Let’s go in there. _You_ can have fun there, right?“ 

Eli turns and eyes him suspiciously, then jumps up and walks towards the club, stepping over a carpet of glass shards on his way. 

Mantis follows without further commentary. 

  


There are a lot of people. And too many of them are looking at him, looking through him, _thinking_ about him, around him; unwanted images and ideas flashing up in front of his inner eye and pushing him almost to the last line of his self control. The only thing that keeps Mantis from falling apart is the steady reassurance of Eli’s drunken presence at his side, certain and overwhelming in a weirdly positive way that makes the little hairs on his neck stand up. 

It is incredibly warm and stuffy in the bar room; almost filled by complete darkness that is only interrupted by flashing lights and colours that project a certain eeriness onto the movement of the dancing and drinking crowd. Mantis swallows hard and instinctively reaches for Eli. 

He grabs at the air; Eli has already disappeared between the buzzing lines of people surrounding him. 

_Eli, where are you going? Don't just leave me standing here!_

It takes Mantis a few moments to scan the room for him but eventually he finds Eli's thoughts at the bar; predictably; and nudges him anxiously with his own mind. 

_Piss off, Mantis. Go back to the hotel or Moscow or wherever it is you spend all your time now._

The reply is harsher than he expected and forces a sigh from Mantis; he knows Eli to be moody, especially from the last few months before their separation where it had become somewhat of a... problem. But, hell, he pretty much always had been a constant mix of up and downs; when they were children his unstable emotions had affected Mantis so strongly that on some days he barely managed to keep hold of his own. 

Though it is not like he ever got better with that anyway. 

Mantis chuckles bitterly and swallows the lump in his throat as he steps into the crowd, headed for Eli's general direction. 

The onslaught of sensations in- and outside of his mind is harder to keep balanced than he initially anticipated and Mantis bumps into people left and right trying to keep a straight goal in all this mess; internally cursing himself for his foolish decision to leave without his mask. The idea of people touching him was bad enough but now that he can actually feel the living, breathing giant organism of humans moving around him bile rises up in his throat and he has to keep himself from stumbling and falling to his knees. 

God, someone is touching his arm and smiling at him; Mantis flinches and bumps into a group of people, swearing under his breath. 

There are some insults thrown in his direction, granted; he does not understand the actual words, but the meaning still finds its way through the hot and heavy air of the room and Mantis recoils; a profound mixture of embarrassment and anger pushing through his self control. The music seems to get louder all of a sudden, the pressure inside his head rises. 

Then he is pressing himself against a wall, panting. At this point Mantis is not even sure if he walked there or just simply used his powers, forgetting about; ignoring; his packed _audience_ being able to watch his every movement. But he does not possess the patience to fret and deal with any potential slip ups since the only thing on his mind right now is radiating arrogance and inebriation. Mantis clutches his face with one hand, the other on his stomach; a wave of cramps hitting his lower half like lightning. 

_Eli... ._

But Eli does not reply. Instead Mantis feels himself being touched; grabbed; by still cold hands that have already reached the point of an uncomfortable tingling sensation replacing the peaceful numbness. He can feel it in his own fingers and somewhere there is a faint memory popping up in the back of his mind, the corner of the room; way before he let himself be called Mantis, even before his time as the third child; ice cold hands and hot breath tinged with the smell of alcohol hitting his cheek. 

The song has finally changed though Mantis is barely able to comprehend any of it as he gazes up into Eli's unfocused eyes, pupils dilated by the buzzing dark and the liquor in his veins. 

"I told you to go back. Look what happens when you don't listen to me." Eli's voice is low, a dangerous slur to it that brushes over Mantis skin, impales his flesh and strikes his bones as he feels himself grab the lapels of his friends coat to keep his balance. 

_My head hurts and... my stomach._ He barely manages that thought before leaning further into Eli who pushes him firmly against the wall to keep him on his legs. _It's so loud... ._

"It's not my fault you came up with this stupid 'no mask' idea! I still don't get it! What is your goal here?" Eli spits, Mantis dimly registers a few drops of saliva hitting the uncovered parts of his face. It is getting hard to breathe beneath the scarf. "How stupid are you? We aren't bloody _normal_ or whatever this charade is supposed to convey! You know fully well how crazy you get when you take off your mask and you still decide to pull this shit in a city filled with thousands of people!? Did they fry your brain in Moscow too hard or are you trying to lose it on purpose?" 

Mantis shivers; unable to move out of Eli's hold without risking to hurt him; the insecurity and accusations behind those words hitting him harder than he expected. 

The anger; the frustration, dissappointment and almost perverse lack of understanding are practically intoxicating as he absorbs them; still staring at Eli's face with no emotion on his own. 

"Fuck you... ." Mantis mumbles and; internal smug satisfaction spreading through his mind; watches Eli's expression go dumbfounded for a second before he snarls and grips Mantis' shoulders so hard it hurts. 

Things happen fast now; too fast for Mantis to follow the proceedings properly but there is yelling; another young man approaches them, addresses Eli in German and tells him to let go of Mantis who uselessly shakes his head at being called a _Mädchen_. But nobody listens; despite him being the center of the nearing conflict. 

As if stung by an aggressive insect Eli drops Mantis and turns to his newest target, already reaching for the knife in his sleeve. 

_Not here._ Mantis inner voice is so surprisingly calm that both he and Eli need a second to realize that it is actually coming from _him_ and not any potential external source. The young man does not notice the silent conversation in front of him and gets closer to Mantis while Eli backs up a few steps. 

_Good. The bathroom._ is all Mantis hears before Eli disappears back into the crowd, fitting himself into the almost organic, pulsing mass and flashing a dark grin before he is gone. 

The craving for violence boiling inside both of them is too strong now; but as if in trance Mantis smiles effortlessly behind his scarf at his supposed knight in shining armor, pretends to not notice the stares at his legs and short, stained skirt and the revolting thoughts accompanying them. 

The man asks him if he is alright, if he needs anything, if he came alone or with his girlfriends and if he would like a drink or to dance. Also; isn't it hot underneath all that clothing? Maybe he should take something off? 

Despite not understanding the man's language, Mantis has to keep himself from throwing up right there next to the dance floor at those disgustingly obvious intentions. But Eli's lingering presence; now again reassuring and gentle, despite the unsolved conflict; is keeping Mantis from failing the unloved role of the bait. 

He really hates it, even though; or maybe because: he is so damn good at it. 

  


It doesn't take long to work; the man does not even notice that the two of them don't share a language; he even gets all close and familiar when Mantis goes as far as to let the guy put a hand on his hip, still keeping a considerable gap between their bodies though. 

If he just goes along and does his job, it will be over quickly. And besides, this is not just to soothe Eli's little egoistical tantrum; Mantis has his own reasons for doing this. 

His head is throbbing as he leads the man towards the dingy bathrooms; that hand still on his hip; digging into his skinny side as if searching for something long lost. As they enter he turns and pulls down his scarf, smiles at the horrified expression on the guys face at his confrontation with the real beauty surrounding his object of desire. It is such a delicious moment that Mantis can not help but laugh and almost forgets about Eli hiding in one of the stalls until an inpatient nudge at his mind brings him back to the present. 

The man looks like he is about to back off; he is glad his _Mädchen_ is safe and that she is feeling better, but he really has to leave now, there you go, _Auf Wiedersehen_ ! 

With an audible 'click' Mantis locks the doors and turns of the light. 

Then he just listens to the creaking of the stall door, the shuffled sounds of a struggle, a muffled yelp and the sound of a fist hitting something soft again and again. 

Mantis turns the lights back on, leaves them flickering though; the dramatic effects are all part of their little show; something familiar and nostalgic that makes Eli's presence at his side finally fall into place as he raises a hand to psychically force their victim to stay conscious; the man's eyes opened wide as he watches himself being mutilated, stabbed and beat in impossible ways. 

Eli drags his knife across flesh expertly; he carves into skin better than he writes or draws; and like so many times before Mantis wonders if this overwhelming _fulfillment_ Eli experiences while inflicting violence was really bred into his genes or just acquired over time by repeating this art again and again. Though he really could not care less for an answer when he can leech off the feelings and indulge in them as he circles the still moving creature twitching on those bloodied tiles. 

_Let me._

And Eli does. 

With the wave of his hand the man starts heaving, choking and spitting blood; coughing up his own insides as his body convulses violently; his eyeballs turning impossibly far back in their sockets eventually being pushed out by his swelling brain that cracks the walls of his skull just in time for him to finally succumb to his torture and die and bleed out on the ground like the animal he was. 

Filled with euphoria and excitement, his boots and legs covered in blood, Mantis turns to Eli who is still crouching in front of the corpse, his clothes equally soaked in fluid, and his eyes wide and looking up at Mantis in something that can only be interpreted as awe. 

Slowly, almost too slowly, he gets up and stumbles towards Mantis only to push them both against the still locked door. 

"I missed you." Eli whispers and Mantis knows that his eyes aren't just black because of the alcohol; emotions crashing down on them and driving head on into the adrenaline and arousal rising in Eli's body as their breaths mix in what little space is left between their faces. "I missed you _so_ much." 

Mantis notes the blood on his face, carefully raises his hand to wipe some off his cheekbones but eventually giving up to watch Eli watch him. 

Sure, the knee pressing between his thighs is a bit irritating and when Eli leans in to kiss him it tastes metallic and like vomit but Mantis tolerates it and lets his mind close in to find some peace from the storm of foreign thought and the nausea taking over him. 

But, of course, Eli's mind is everything but calm; the only anchor being the familiarity of their bond while his head is flushed of everything coherent and filled with nothing but plain instincts; the strongest of them being the need to press his own body as close to Mantis' as possible. 

It occurs to Mantis that maybe this should be something special; that he should feel happy, or at least _something_ anyway. But it is hard to make out if any of the things he _is_ feeling are actually coming from him or are merely mirrored from Eli's emotions. But Mantis isn't oblivious, he has seen movies, read books and most importantly; has had the thoughts and memories of millions of peoples forced down his throat; he _knows_ that being kissed is supposed to be an important thing in a persons life. But that just makes him chuckle against Eli's lips in its ridiculousness; because really he has way more important issues to concern himself with than those mundane profanities. 

Eli seems to think differently though; despite his life being just as tied up in chaos and war as Mantis' is; apparently this kiss seems to mark some deeper point in his mind. 

Mantis is tempted to remind him that they are covered in gore and blood, pressed together in a grimy bathroom of some shady German club and that they will have to separate again in only a few days; that this is only temporary and ultimately meaningless and... 

... well, it _does_ feel a little nice though. Even if that may only be based on borrowed emotions. 

It goes on for a few minutes until Mantis gets tired of letting Eli try to push his tongue into his mouth and nudges him back a little, letting his fingers wander over his shorn scalp. 

_We need to leave now. I will try to make sure nobody notices but... . We have to hurry._ He tugs at Eli's filthy coat. _And get rid off these._

Without further ado Eli shrugs off his coat and throws it over the mangled remains behind them before moving to embrace Mantis again. He is only met with a foul stare though and tries to control himself as Mantis unceremoniously ignites the mess before dragging them through the door. 

  


As soon as they arrive back at the hotel Mantis rips off his bloodied tights and socks and throws them into the bathroom trash, then grabs his mask to sigh in relief at finally having something akin to calm surround him again. The moment is short lived however, because the straps of the mask are barely fastened properly before he feels Eli's arms wrap around his waist to pull him close again. 

  


Even through the plastic filters the stench of blood is overwhelming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song is jeanny by falco (he isnt even german but shh) and he was a popular guy in the 80s so  
> also this is becoming a really cheap gore movie and the boys are super edgy (ok but what did you expect) i apologise


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eli is comfortable, mantis isnt

_You really need to wash your hair, there is blood in it._

Mantis presses his fingers gently against crusted, blond stubble as he rests his hand on Eli’s head. _How... revolting. Though I suppose it is a just souvenir for you, hm_?

Eli does not really reply; mostly because he seems to be physically unable between all his heavy breathing and the muzzle of Mantis' mask pressing against his jaw; and somewhere at the back of his mind he _does_ try to process the words being whispered at him but gives up because the looming warmth and weight of the body leaning over him is too distracting.

The bed creaks under their combined weight. 

_Are you not happy that you got what you wanted? I bet it will be all over the newspapers tomorrow._ Mantis absentmindedly registers Eli's hands wandering down his sides and hips to rest on the hem of his skirt and lightly tug at the fabric. _And then the Berlin Police will come marching into this room looking for the insane monster who so brutally ended another person's life. Tragic._

Eli shivers at those words and turns his head away, lets his hands fall to he mattress, and huffs in something akin to annoyance. 

"Nobody is going to catch me... . I'll just kill them like all the other assholes that tried to stop me from pursuing my goals." He is slurring lightly and his breath is wet against the pillows. "Besides, you were the one who really fucked him up." 

Light as tiny, silver bells Mantis' laugh fills up the room as he sits back on Eli's thighs and takes bloody hands into his own, clean ones. 

_You know why I do what I did back there._

"Because you are an irredeemable sadist?" Eli smiles, still not looking back up at him though. 

_No, Eli._ The rooms light dims a bit and for a split second the plastic flower on the table behind them bursts into flames, though Mantis knows that Eli is not exactly sure if that just actually happened. When he raises his head to get a better look he barely catches a glimpse of the seemingly untouched decoration before Mantis forces him down again. The only left-over indication that there ever was a fire in their room being the stench of burned plastic filling the air. 

Eli swallows; Mantis traces the movement on his throat with a cautious finger. 

_Because I like to do what you expect of me... ._ He stares down at Eli's body; his still filthy clothing; with chagrin in his eyes. _Just look at how quickly you turn into this ludicrous display. Your lack of self-control is astounding, really._

Eli squirms underneath Mantis and tries to worm his way out of his psychic hold but eventually gives up to pointedly return the burning gaze resting on him. His defiance is finally showing the first cracks, though they quickly are sealed by an underlying hesitation. 

"Come on, Mantis." He tries. "Let go off me." 

_Oh, I'm merely mirroring how you force yourself on me._ Mantis does not mention the fact that if Eli had actually acted against his wishes he would have simply shoved or told him off. 

_But I am not quite sure if it was me or what we did that pulled you into such a pitiable state._ He places a hand low on Eli's stomach. _So tell me, do you treat your new comrades the same way you treat me?_

Of course, he already knows the answer; that no, Eli would never want or try to touch his fellow soldiers like he does with Mantis; so it really is no surprise when Eli decides he has had enough of being toyed with and finally manages to push him off his lap and onto the mattress beside him, where Mantis curls in on himself as he giggles and chortles into the sheets. 

"Shut up. I’m not gay, you know that." 

_Do I?_ Mantis feels playful enough to further dismantle Eli’s overly self-confident fortress of denial and lies back on the bed as far as he can manage; crossing his legs onto Eli's lap to keep the other from being able to look up his skirt. Mantis is not exactly fond of doing things like this to get the reaction he wants but when Eli gets like _this_ he tends not to stand above it either. 

And his work _does_ pay off in the end.

"I'm going to shower and clean myself up." Eli mumbles awkwardly, quickly gets up and smoothes down his dirty sweater. "You should go to sleep now, it's already late." 

With that he quickly disappears into the bathroom; half stumbling; which causes another wave of amusement to spread across Mantis' features, who is secretly glad that Eli does not notice the newest stain on his already ruined jeans, even though the fresh and familiar blood seems to contrast starkly with the already dried, foreign one. 

Silently he crawls off the bed to change his underwear.

  
In the morning the temperature in their room has dropped noticeably.

Mantis wakes up early. He is freezing and it is still dark, though the room is filled with a particular yellowish light that the snow outside seems to reflect into their room. 

He sits at the windowsill and watches the snowflakes cover the little trees in the inner yard with a spotted, uneven pattern and breathes against the glass separating his face from the even colder outside. The heater underneath the window does not really work properly; it only occasionally croaks out a metallic and hollow sound of helplessness before eventually shutting up for good. Sighing, he grabs Eli's clean coat; the one he was wearing when he arrived in Berlin; it is a simple camouflage print that fits way too loosely over Mantis' skinny shoulders, but it is warm and has a comforting feeling to it. Mantis chuckles dryly to himself; how ironic for a military garment to provide such peaceful emotions. 

Eventually Eli starts to stir and sits up with such a pouty expression that Mantis can not help but smile behind his mask. 

"How late 's it?" Eli yawns and hugs his naked chest to keep some of his body warmth to himself while leaning over the edge of the bed to also catch a glimpse of the steady snowfall outside the window before sighing and falling back into his pillows. 

"We're gonna stay here today."

Mantis does not argue with that and walks off to the bathroom only to immediately take a step backwards upon entering.

_Disgusting. What on earth did you do in there?_ He does not have to dig deep in Eli’s mind; after hearing a muffled laugh from the bed Mantis sighs and carefully steps over to the full bathtub. The water is red and pink; little soapy bubbles have collected on the surface and a bunched-up mess of clothes floats in the middle of it all.

_I think you will have to throw these away, Eli. They are going to be stained forever and attract too much attention._ He can hear Eli click his tongue.

"Nah, I’ll just use some bleach here and there and they’ll be as good as new."

If Eli notices Mantis grumbled reply he does not answer and just turns around to catch another round of precious sleep while Mantis starts scrubbing their dirty boots dutifully. 

When he is finally done and somewhat satisfied with the results after what seems like hours, the snow is still going. 

  
"Hey." Eli says and sits down at the end of Mantis' bed. "What are you reading? One of those horror novels again?"

Mantis sighs, dog-ears his page and throws, well, mostly _transports_ the book using psychokinesis; without it his aim is pretty bad; at Eli who effortlessly catches it from the air and studies the cover.

" _Early Diagnosis of the Acute Abdomen_ by Zachary Cope… . Seriously?" Eli looks at him with such an odd expression that Mantis sighs over his confused face and snatches the book back to stuff it underneath his pillow.

_You would be astounded by how much the human digestive tract influences your well-being; just the small intestine itself has such a big effect on your entire body; it also can affect your psyche in critical ways; sometimes even a simple drop in mood is caused by the tiniest change in your intestinal flora._

Mantis shrugs and stretches a little, has another book float out of his bag and into his hands. 

_At least that is what Cope says._ He opens up the other book, presenting the cover while nudging the pages with the muzzle of his mask.

_I dropped Lovecraft months ago. He started to annoy me with the whole... superior race thing._

Eli raises an eyebrow and Mantis rolls his eyes.

_His writing is also incredibly turgid; even if his stories do hold some interesting themes._

"So now you've dropped the good old fiction novels for books about _shit_? Classy, Mantis." 

Mantis half heartedly kicks at Eli who leans closer to catch the title of the book in his hand, fingers digging into the sheets and grabbing at Mantis' legs to stop the little assault directed at him 

"And what is this? _The Modern Prometheus _?" He manages to get hold of the book and dangles it above Mantis' head. "You've always liked the ones I never could finish; cliché and boring and _way_ too long." He sticks out his tongue. "Somehow fitting, don't you think?" __

____

__

Mantis crosses his arms and pretends to not worry about Eli being dangerously close to accidently ripping the pages from the old, worn copy of _Frankenstein_ he has only recently bought. Mostly legally even; at this point the Soviets did not really bother to look into the littler smuggling cases. 

"Stop being an asshole." Mantis says out loud. "If I remember correctly you were the one to read those... ah... vulgar, grubby magazines underneath your blanket at night, thinking I would not notice what you were doing even though you were right next to me -…" His untrained voice gives out through his masks filter. _So do not pretend your taste in literature is somehow above mine._

To his credit Eli does not drop his straight face, though there is noticeable wave of embarrassment running off him. 

Instead he simply jumps Mantis; starts trying to wrestle him off the mattress and suddenly they are both fourteen again 

Mantis fights back, even though he tries to put the use of his powers to a bare minimum so Eli will not accuse him of cheating; which is ridiculous in its own right since their different given physical strengths could not be further apart. So Mantis _has_ to resort to unfair methods to put them on a somewhat even ground. 

If Eli notices now, he does not mention nor consciously think about it. 

Instead he pushes and pulls Mantis around like he had done years ago in the African dirt fighting for dominance over a connection that neither of them fully understood at the time; both confused children trapped in a world that was so huge and small at the same time. 

Mantis files that memory away with the other pathetic nostalgia that likes to worm its way into his mind when he is not paying proper attention. 

Oh, but this is _different_. 

_Eli, what are you doing?_

Their little struggle has ended with Eli leaning over Mantis, face hidden in the crook of his neck, nosing the collar of Mantis' black turtleneck with little elegance. 

"You liked it last night." 

_You were drunk last night. And so was I, obviously._

Eli's breath is warm against the spot of exposed skin and Mantis feels himself slipping; in his panic he tries to gain at least a little bit of control over the situation and pushes Eli back gently. 

_Also I recall you making a pretty solid statement about your sexuality. What happened to that?_

Theres a small glimpse of a frown before Eli's face disappears again and Mantis feels a kiss being pressed against his jawline; hands tightening into fists as he realises the full extent of the situation through his discomfort. 

"'S different with you. Doesn't count." 

The soft vibration of words on his skin makes Mantis shiver slightly and; despite his better judgement; he lets his head fall back against the pillow to give Eli better access. Somehow the direct contact between them burns; he is being sucked in by foreign emotions again. 

But _does_ it matter who they belong to as long as they make him feel good? 

_What is different about this? That I like to wear skirts?_ Despite the underlying ridicule in his thought, it is still a serious question. 

Eli catches himself and draws back to laugh at him, the exhausted and stern expression on his face gives way to a careless grin as he undoes Mantis' mask slowly. 

"You can be pretty stupid for a psychic, y'know that?“ He innocently kisses Mantis‘ chin before leaning back a bit to study his scarred face, his eyebrows furrowing. „Or have you already looked into my head again and are just toying with me right now?" 

Mantis just straight up laughs at him and lets himself be kissed again; it is chaste and being able to leech off Eli’s emotions is a fair compensation for all this close contact. He finds himself mumbling faltering protests against Eli without really paying attention to _what_ he is saying.

Eli does not seem to care either. 

  
They end up spending the afternoon with _Frankenstein_ together on Mantis‘ bed; taking turns reading out loud to the other while Eli occasionally leaves a dry comment or two.

"Let us go out again tonight." says Mantis when he has had enough of wandering hands and thoughts and gets up to grab his coat, Eli’s eyes following him closely.

"What, you want to kill _another_ guy?" 

Mantis smiles before leaning over Eli to grab his mask and strap it back on.

_Oh, something like that._

And Eli follows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ones a bit of a cheesy filler but i promise its setting up for er... something. also this chapter is sponsered by lovecraft sucks tm


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eli wants, mantis is a toy

The dirty, yellow phone box is way too small for two people, yet Eli still somehow manages to fit himself in beside Mantis; his gloved hands kept at his own sides, fingers twitching nervously. 

"So is this the exciting thing you were going to show me?" Eli mumbles, the warmth of his breath steaming up the scratched acrylic glass windows. "Smells like piss in here." 

Mantis does take a short moment to roll his eyes and then proceeds to carefully put in the all too familiar number that by now is burned so thoroughly into his mind. The receiver weighs heavy against his ear as he waits for the free line signal. Eli starts observing the crudely smeared doodles and words on the cover of the phone directory provided beneath the telephone's keypad for a moment before shaking his head and kicking open the door to leave Mantis to his business. 

Now, that's better. 

Then someone picks up, does not speak; all Mantis can hear is calm and even breathing as he pushes his mask up a bit to talk. 

Switching to Russian after talking English exclusively for almost a week turns out to be surprisingly difficult. He takes a few tries. 

"You told me to call you today. I am doing fine and I will return on Monday like we agreed." 

Mantis starts snapping the rubber band on his wrist almost compulsively while waiting for the reply. He is not particularly fond of phone calls like these but of course, he knows the drill; being a liability and asset at the same time; keeping track of him is important for his superiors. 

And _him_ , anyway. 

When he finally hangs up and leaves the phone box, creeped out by the fact that he had somehow been able to _hear_ Ocelot's calculated smile, Eli's impatience is already bouncing up and down between them like a dog excited for its walk. 

Eli grabs his arm and drags him around a little in a somewhat drunken euphoria; even though Mantis _knows_ that tonight there has not been any alcohol involved in his friend's loose mood. Not yet, at least. 

"So, who was that?" There is a hint of insecurity tinting Eli's words. "Your friends with the funny hats?" 

_Not all Russians wear ushanki, Eli._

They walk down a fairly populated street; it is not completely dark yet but the sun is setting, painting swirls of pink into the clouded sky. People walk by them in that busy way Germans do; as far as Mantis is concerned none of them ever take aa moment to just be; their hectic habits are distracting, almost painful to watch and he is glad to have Eli practically glued to his side. 

He does not like to depend on others too much though; despite his whole existence being defined by an elaborate lack of independence. 

Still; Eli's mind close to his is like an additional filter of calm; melting warmly into his own thoughts the jumbled mess beside him offers a comforting distraction to the cold and static buzz around them. 

When Mantis stops in front of a huge building, complete with parking lot and a tiny and poorly kept garden area, Eli raises an eyebrow. 

"A hospital?" He asks tentatively and watches the people entering and exiting suspiciously. 

Mantis does not answer; simply takes Eli's hand into his own and leads him inside. 

  
Getting to the roof had been surprisingly easy; with Mantis using his powers to shield them from any overly curious eyes and Eli dropping into a ridiculous crouch as soon as they got to the emergency staircase leading all the way to the top of the building it only had taken a few minutes in total.

"So what, we're gonna spit on people's heads now?" Eli teases and Mantis snorts behind his mask before undoing the straps. 

"It is a bit more interesting than that, Eli." 

They eventually settle close to the edge; a nice view down to the parking lot and of the city with the little added danger of letting their feet hang off the ledge make for sufficient entertainment, at least for a bit, until Eli starts getting restless again. 

He leans against Mantis who; drawing off the overflow of energy coming off Eli; sighs in exasperation and let's himself be needled into revealing his plan for the evening. 

"I used to do this a lot for a while; back in Moscow; but I haven't really gotten around to it lately." He wipes his cold nose with his sleeve and makes sure he has Eli's full attention before redirecting it to a man standing beside his car close to the Hospitals exit. 

"See him? What kind of person do you think he is?" 

Eli glances at Mantis for a second before giving in to the pull on his mind that makes him turn his head towards the pint-sized figure below them; he is a bit sceptical but actually spends some time studying the man before replying. 

"He seems to be waiting for someone; something, otherwise he'd go inside or drive away. Look at that monkey suit though, probably a clerk or something. Maybe he's got an appointment." 

"That is all?" Mantis asks. 

Eli makes a face but it breaks into a grin when Mantis nudges his foot with his own. 

"You're the one who reads minds; tell me what else is there." 

A slight pause, then; 

"He is a banker; look at that nice car, you can figure that out without looking into his head; but he is not doing so well financially." Eli makes an 'o' sound and Mantis continues. "It is because he likes to gamble, his wife cannot deal with that and because he is almost never at home she has to take care of the children all by herself. Does not feel guilty for it though, the rat." 

"So that's his dirt? I expected you to choose someone more... interesting." 

Mantis laughs and smiles sweetly at Eli. 

"That is not all of it. You see, he is here because his wife got into an accident; ugly thing, really; he does not know what happened yet, though." Carefully, he smoothes down the hem of his skirt as he talks. "She got completely squished in that taxi; I am surprised they are still trying to keep her alive. They called him though; he was late. Guess what he was doing at the time that the accident occurred." 

Eli shrugs and flicks a pebble down the roof. "No idea." 

"He was in bed with his girlfriend. She is a few years younger, a friend of his daughter's actually." There is clear disgust on Mantis face and he sits back a bit to be able to concentrate on Eli again. 

Much to his disappointment; Eli looks pretty unimpressed though. 

"Gross. But I still don't get why we're here. Or talking about that waste of human life down there, for that matter." 

"We are," Mantis takes a deep breath. "going to punish this man for being the way he is." 

Eli stares at him, raises an eyebrow and grins. " _Why_?" 

"Because it is fun." 

  


To manipulate a car's breaks; even from this distance; is an easy task for Mantis. Forcing the man to get in and start it even more so. 

They watch him drive off; huddled together for warmth; and after a while the sound of an ambulance cuts through the city's background noise. 

"So," Eli begins as they move further away from the ledge to lie back and stare at the empty, dark sky. "You do this often? Playing avenging angel?" 

Mantis frowns. "Sometimes I pick out people by random; it depends. This one gave me a good reason to, though. Is that wrong?" 

"I suppose not." 

They lie in silence for a while. When Eli breaks it Mantis is so taken aback by his words that he sits up. 

"You're happy that I came here, right?" 

"Eli?" 

Eli sits up too and looks down at his hands, a sense of hesitance coming off him. 

"You did not just agree to meet me because I asked you too, did you, Mantis?" 

It is hard to not just lie with a question like that, but Mantis has always been honest and shrugs. 

"Of course I came because you asked me. It only makes sense for me to... do the things you want from me." 

Eli shakes his head and groans, then grabs Mantis by the wrists and stares at him with misdirected anger; disappointment? He cannot tell. 

"You have no idea what _I_ want." Eli whispers. 

There is a lengthy pause. 

Then finally Mantis lets out a shaky breath. "You want," he mumbles and pulls at the fabric of his scarf so hard that a few threads go loose. "to fuck me." 

It is not so much of a question or an accusation as a simple stated fact. 

At first Eli just stares at him in shock and then recoils a little as a wave of confusion, embarrassment and irritation crashes over them. 

" _What_?!" 

It is easier to say this time, still Mantis feels the burning weight on his shoulders press him down further as he firmly repeats his words. 

"You want to fuck me." 

The sudden pressure is so unbearable that Mantis cannot help but laugh quietly at the absurdity of this situation; at Eli; at himself. A sick sense of self-satisfaction rising like bile in his throat as he crawls closer towards Eli who seems to be frozen in place with that ridiculous expression on his face, hands; knuckles white; clawing at the gravel covering the ground, getting little sharp pebbles stuck underneath his nails as they drill into his flesh. 

When he finally speaks the air between them is so thick that Mantis has trouble breathing. 

"That's not... that's not true." 

Mantis face goes dark and he has to put almost all his focus on not starting to cackle uncontrollably; stumbling even closer on all fours he grabs at Eli's knee; his hips; heaves himself into the others lap and perches on his thighs like a gargoyle; eyes cold and unforgiving. 

"Liar." 

For now, Eli turns to yield in defense; an uncharacteristic move for someone so stubborn he would rather get killed than ask to be saved; though Mantis watches him carefully in their shared dysphoria; no change in mood or tactic to go unnoticed. 

"No," Eli mumbles and half-heartedly tries to push Mantis off but is overwhelmed; mesmerized; by the situation. "I never said that. I told you I'm not -" 

"I do not care for what you have to say, Eli. Do you really think your words count when they only convey half the truth?" Mantis grabs him by the collar of his coat; feels his voice getting louder, shrill; and pulls Eli to look up at him; when Eli looks away he psychically _forces_ his eyes to focus. 

"You are a fool to believe that I do not notice your revolting little fantasies and thoughts; and I do not have to be me to do so; _anyone_ can notice the way you stare and act like some desperate animal in heat simply because I happen to be conveniently placed in your line of sight. And then you go as far to pretend that _genuine_ affection," A desperate laugh slips from him. "supplies as a adequate cover for your revolting acts!" 

Eli's face is as white as chalk when Mantis leans in close, brushing chapped lips against his as he speaks. 

"You are a whore. All you can think to do is fuck, _fuck_ , **_fuck_** -" 

His hysteric tirade is swallowed by a clumsy kiss and Mantis starts clinging to Eli's shoulders in desperation and confusion; a deep fear spreading in his chest as Eli hesitantly opens his mouth to grant him access. 

He knows he is losing it and quickly tries to establish some sense of control; pulls back and notes the thin string of saliva still connecting him to Eli with disgust. Eli still looks at him like a child; eyes big and his mouth slightly agape and flush; then quickly turns his head away in something akin to embarrassment. 

"What do you want from me?" He mumbles and wipes his lips with the back of his hand; his other firmly placed on Mantis' hip. 

Mantis cannot bring himself to speak and rests his forehead on Eli's shoulder. 

_You are disgusting._ he thinks and lets his hands wander down Eli's sides; underneath his coat; presses his fingers against the warm skin there and brushes over the goosebumps prompted by his touch. _You force me to be like this; you project your emotion and lust onto me like I am some toy you can play out all your fantasies with._ Mantis breath hitches as he stops his hand just beneath Eli's navel. 

_But worst of all; you force me to enjoy it._

Eli gasps when Mantis starts undoing his belt and the buttons of his pants, sliding one hand into his underwear; anxiously brushing the tips of his fingers against him. 

"I'm not doing anything!" Eli chokes and holds onto Mantis' wrist, not pulling it away yet. "I just... think and act… . I don't know! But it's not my fault that you're-" 

There is an undignified noise escaping his lips as Mantis grabs at him, hard, and presses close for another kiss. 

_Stop lying. At least admit that you are just being selfish; just like everyone else, always thinking about where to stick your dick first._ He bites Eli's mouth and whines against him. _I hate this._

Eli manages to push him away; holds onto his arms and shakes his head; eyes wide and pupils blown in arousal. Mantis feels the discomfort oozing off him; sticky like honey it pours into their laps and hands. 

„You don't want this, Mantis. It's not supposed to be like... this." Eli looks exasperated as he places his hands gently on Mantis hips; the last bastion of his peaceful defense. 

He is on his back before he even notices that he has been tipped over; the hard surface of the roof pressing against his scalp as Mantis roughly tugs him out of his pants; the biting cold hitting heated skin causing him to hiss. 

"There you go again telling me what I _want_." Mantis kneels over him to pull down his own tights and underwear from underneath his skirt with shaking hands. "You are acting like I am some sweet and pure virgin," he laughs and sits down on Eli's thighs. "Speak for yourself, Eli." Mantis leans down into a soft kiss. "I know you have been thinking about this. So, please; indulge yourself." 

Eli shakes his head and mumbles something, barely containing his anger; his hands tightening into fists. 

_What, are you going to hit me too? Is this what I am to you now?_ Mantis thinks and sucks at Eli's throat while stroking him carelessly. 

Despite expecting to be shoved back, hitting the gravel with his naked legs and ass hurts more than anticipated; he watches Eli scramble up and fix his pants; chest heaving and licking his lips nervously. 

"You're the one who's being bloody selfish, stop making everything about you!" Eli kicks some gravel at him and Mantis winces; less at the physical aspects of pain and more at the overwhelming aggression thrown his way. 

"If you would use just a quarter of the time you spend on looking into people's heads to, y'know, actually try to understand their thoughts rather than applying your own little, sick interpretations to them, you maybe would actually _be_ somewhat of a normal person instead of having to dress up like one!" 

Eli is yelling so loudly; his emotions and thoughts exploding into both of their heads; that Mantis finds it impossible to focus on anything else, his inability to _flee_ pushing his panic far over its limit. 

"Do you _really_ believe I came all the way from England just for a quick fuck?! You think you're so damn smart; figuring me out and all that; but have you ever considered that people don't actually work like you think they do?" 

Eli turns around with a snarl; venom dripping from his voice; and walks towards the stairs, leaving Mantis behind on the ground; still with his underwear around his knees and hot shame on his face. 

"Though I guess it's not surprising considering you're barely an actual person by yourself, huh?" 

With that the door slams shuts behind him and Mantis is left alone. 

  
When he gets back to the hotel their room is dark and empty. Mantis does not bother to undress properly; just shrugs off his coat and kicks his feet until his boots come off before dropping onto Eli's bed and passing out with his face buried in the pillows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one was a bummer to write :^(


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mantis cheats, eli cleans up

Mantis jolts awake violently; a pulse of psychic energy ripping through his body as he tries to cut away the hand on his shoulder; the person assaulting him in his sleep.

"Hey, have you seen my swiss pocket knife? The red one?”

Eli is standing next to him, coat and army duffel slung across his shoulder with his cheeks red; panting slightly as if he has been running for a while before arriving at their room. With a groan Mantis sits up and wraps the blankets around his shoulder; wipes his sticky eyes tiredly and peeks up at Eli with an abashed expression.

He is met with a frown.

"Don’t tell me you actually slept without your mask, are you trying to go crazy on purpose now?" Eli mumbles and sighs. Then he starts digging around in Mantis‘ stuff from the night before to retrieve the mask and straps it over the messy head of hair; Mantis holds still and lets him.

_Eli... ._

Eli just shakes his head and turns around to search their; by now; very messy room for his lost beloved; carelessly dragging dirt over the carpet with his boots. Mantis watches him in his wretched state while loafing about lazily; unspoken and un-thought things lingering in the space around him. 

"I swear to god, if that thing is gone… ."

There is a loud bang from the bathroom and Mantis flinches; Eli stomps back into the room and kicks at the table in frustration; the fake flower falls over and its vase shatters on the floor with piercing sound that has Mantis covering his ears.

Eli turns to him, his posture and tone demanding in every way; no other emotion managing to slip through. 

"Can you at least pretend you’re helping me look for it? My train leaves in an hour and there’s no way I’m leaving without that thing, so move!"

Aside from his mask Mantis never has never had any important belongings to carry around; clothes, books, places; all those were and are interchangeable in the grand matter of things and not really suited for a life lived on the road anyway. But somehow remembering his first ; the mask he had worn between leeching off angry and violent people; planting revenge across their foes before finally, _finally_ spotting another force; equal to his own and yet so different; through dirty lenses; makes Mantis heart ache in a way he; for once; _knows_ is his own pain and not borrowed by someone else. 

Because of course, one day his old gas mask just did not want to fit properly anymore; designed for a child and with scratches it had been patched together time and time again to keep it from falling apart. Mantis did not care if it was to small or unsafe even, no matter what Eli said; this piece of plastic and rubber defined him in a way that went beyond his basic need to wear it.

In the end Eli had stolen a new, adult size mask from a nearby army supply store and Mantis had reluctantly accepted it.

He figures that the knife is of similar importance to Eli; a trophy stolen from the horned creature that was neither beast nor man to Mantis‘ mind and for Eli a father not through blood but through layers and layers of rewritten conscience.

Eli tugs at the sheets Mantis is clutching to his chest and growls.

_What train? I thought you were leaving on Saturday?_

"Yeah, I changed my mind though. 'M leaving today." He carelessly pulls the blankets away from Mantis to continue his search on the bed; Mantis wraps his arms around himself and watches him warily while trying to ignore the absolute disregard for his person that Eli projects on him; whether that be consciously or not. 

_We still have two days left though._

"Oh? Two more days of sitting around in this shitty place and doing nothing but lie in bed? Wasted time, if you ask me." Eli throws the pillows off the bed to feel for his knife in the gap between mattress and headboard. "Besides, it's not like you actually want to be here either; you just stick around because that fucked up thing inside your head forces you to cling to me like some desperate, little kid."

Suddenly Eli freezes up; hand still stuck behind the mattress. Mantis feels the panic rise in him before it becomes visible on Eli’s face as his eyes widen at the realization of his immobility.

"Mantis. Stop it." He croaks and manages to part his lips far enough to lick his mouth nervously when the invisible cuffs do not break at his command. 

_I can not help it and you know that well enough, I do not simply decide to attach myself to people; I would prefer to stay away from them altogether!_ Mantis shakes his head and tries to sooth the tremor rocking his shivering hands by pressing them hard against the mattress. 

Eli just stares at him and the frustration and disappointment with Mantis; with himself; that cloud his eyes spread a mutual feeling of sickness between them.

Mantis feels his own face grow hot and shifts on the bed; the bruises on the back of his thighs from the night before ground him in the most uncomfortable way as he starts retching and clutching his stomach before quickly pushing up his mask and throwing up on the sheets and all over himself; immediate relief flooding him as he watches bile dribble down his chin.

"Are you okay?!" He hears Eli curse; finally able to move again his friend crawls over to him; his face helpless and still tinted with some of that left over anger. 

_I don't feel well, Eli._ Eyes shut tightly just so he does not have to look at the mess he has made Mantis tries to sit up and feels hot fluid soak his shirt; it sticks to his chest and he can not help but choke down a few tears. 

"No shit... ." Eli mumbles and tries to support Mantis with rough hands when he starts swaying and almost slips from the bed to the carpet. "Are you hurt? Did you cut yourself?"

For a second Mantis is very confused by Eli's concern but then gets a hold of his thoughts; the alarmed discovery of blood on the sheets and Mantis' skirt; and almost starts laughing at the self-destructive comedy his body and mind are delivering for them.

_No, it's just blood._

Eli raises an eyebrow; does not seem to be satisfied with that answer. Mantis belches a little before swallowing down air and hot acid to elaborate. 

_I'm just bleeding from my abdomen. Normal._

Finally Eli understands and calms down a little as he starts guiding Mantis to the bathroom.

"Since when's that happening? A warning would have been nice, you made a literal bloody mess of the bed."

_Few months now. After you left._

Eli starts peeling his soiled clothes off quickly; no time or thought wasted on lingering stares or touches; instead he pushes Mantis into the bathtub; it is still a bit dirty from their little deadly escapade, but they are both too tense to care for that.

"Isn't that a bit late...? I mean, I don't really know a lot about this stuff, but... ." Eli trails off as he checks the temperature of the water and starts cleaning him carefully; blood and vomit mix in the drain; paint little whirls of yellow and red and somehow Mantis can not help but find a ridiculous beauty in the colourful movement .

_He said it's because I don't eat enough._

Eli pauses and cocks his head and Mantis can not help but smile at that.

"'He'? Who do you mean? Your secret Russian boyfriend?"

Water splashes onto the pale tiles beneath them when Mantis laughs so hard that he chokes on his own spit; Eli just shakes his head and stops the water; wraps Mantis in the last clean towel and carries him back into the bedroom and to his own bed.

After a little expedition into the dresser he manages to unearth a clean pair of underwear from Mantis' bags and the only shirt that is not completly stained with cigarette ashes; even if it is way too big for Mantis' thin frame.

"You got something to deal with the whole, uh, blood thing?" 

Mantis nods tiredly. 

_Pads in my bag. I forget them though._

When he is finally all clean and dry and wrapped up comfortably in a blanket; mask back on his face; Eli sits down beside him and sighs deeply before leaning back onto Mantis' pillow. 

"I found the knife in your bag." He says quietly after a period of silence; Mantis barely manages to keep his eyes open but still flinches a bit at those words.

_I'm sorry._

Eli shrugs. 

"Too late now, anyway. I missed the train so I guess I will have to stick around a little more and make sure you don't set yourself on fire on accident or something." He is joking but does not smile.

Mantis nods. 

_Please._

  
  
After Eli has thrown his own dirty bed sheets and Mantis' clothes into the bathroom, opened the window and taken off his boots and coat he slides under the covers beside Mantis and silently stares at the ceiling for a while.

"You could come with me, y'know?" He says finally and turns his head towards Mantis. "Just use your powers to stay hidden, nobody would even notice you were there."

_I would be your shadow._ Mantis head starts hurting at that idea and he presses his face against Eli's shoulder. 

_I just want to be real too._

All he feels is the calm now; there are no emotions or thoughts too pick up on anymore; Mantis is so completely drained that he does not even bother trying to look into Eli's head. 

And when there is no audible answer, he lets himself slip into a restless sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is a bit shorter bc its pretty much only setting up for the last chapter of this. part of basic space. (yes there will be more).  
> thanks to everyone whos been commenting and giving kudos and support, luv ya guys! :^)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eli leaves, mantis arrives

"Remember when I first started calling you 'Mantis'?"

_I do._

Eli lets out a hearty laugh and slaps him on the back just a little bit too hard.

"You really did not like it; kept insisting you weren't an insect. I think you actually didn't talk to me for an entire day."

A sigh.

_You were not exactly trying to flatter me with that name. And at the time I was not aware of what mantids were actually capable of._

Pulling an arm around Mantis and pressing him close while walking, Eli grins in his shallow self-satsfaction and purses his lips a little.

"Oh trust me; back then I had no idea either."

  
  
The hazy blur of the night before follows Mantis outside of their room; across the street and the river; wherever Eli takes him, his grip; be it phyical or mental; insistent and possessive. Mantis leans into it though and relishes it almost; they have not been this close for months; years maybe. 

Still occasionally a hint of warm hands on his arms; his stomach and chest; flood up from the locked away well of his mind and soak his thoughts; make his face flush and all too familiar nausea creep up his spine.

Eli, of course, asks him if he is alright, and funnily enough he does not feel unwell per se; even with this direct assault of poisonous affection directed at him, Mantis still manages to stand and talk and to let himself be taken along; though mostly passively at best.

The last two days float by so quickly, too quickly for Mantis' taste, and he knows Eli is glad he did not take that train after all; because even if he tries to hide his thoughts and feelings; his face rests in that unconciously gentle way, which Mantis recognises from that brief period of time in their life where there had been no blood and no war and no unwanted sentiment between them.

By now he is not sure if that time was just a fabrication of his own desperate, childish mind. 

  
  
"Do you like this one?" Eli says as he places a brown baker boy cap on Mantis‘ head but then frowns. "S‘ pretty but makes your hair look all silly; like a poodle or something."

Mantis grimaces behind his scarf and takes off the cap to put it on Eli’s head instead. "Better on you than me," He offers and Eli grins warmly. "Makes you look like a proper English boy."

"Are you implying that I am not a proper English boy already?" Eli leans way too close; his breath warm on the exposed parts of Mantis' face.

With a halfhearted scoff Mantis pushes him away, a hint of psychic powers behind his strength, so that Eli lands in the pile of clothes hanging from a rack behind them with a slightly offended 'oof'.

"English, yes. Proper? Not so much." He dares to tease and cackles; disappears behind another shelf filled with colourful, western clothing. 

It's not like he never had been able to get his hands on things like these, but being surrounded by so much nylon tights and american jeans; the smell of industrial dye and bleach filling up the room of the tacky backstreet store, coarse and silky fabrics brushing against his hands and legs; is simply overwhelming. 

Being overly dependent on material possessions does not really interest him, but Mantis had still hit up fartsovshchiks more often than not; western clothing his highest priority but there were also the casette tapes, menthol cigarettes and his most expensive deal; a Sony twin-deck tape recorder.

Just at that memory the music playing in the store changes to a song Mantis actually knows; Robert Smith's voice echoing through the horrible acoustics of the room; Eli tackles him from behind to wrap his arms around his thin frame, biting at his collar playfully. 

"Found something you like?"

_Eli, not here._

Eli groans in annoyance and lets go off him, crossing his arms. 

"Not anywhere, you mean. Come on, nobody can see us!" 

_Everything you do is irresistable_  
_Everything you do is simply kissable_  
_Why can't I be you?_  


Mantis rolls his eyes but lets himself be pushed against the shelf anyway; hyperaware of the few people moving around the store, casually browsing, their minds focused on everything but the two of them hidden away in a dark corner.

_Eli._

His warning gets ignored when warm hands push underneath his coat to roam over his ribs and the barely noticable curve of his chest; Mantis' breath hitches involuntarily as Eli starts kissing his neck; scarf pulled aside carelessly; and kicks at his shins with no real force behind it. Eli quickly gets breathless himself and changes tactics, biting and placing apologetic kisses along Mantis' jaw; his own body pressed flush against him. He moans in appreciation when Mantis gets fed up with his clumsy administrations and grabs Eli's chin to bite his lips and slip his tongue inside his mouth.

_You are disgusting._ Mantis thinks and wraps his arm around Eli's waist; smacks one hand away from where it has wormed its way underneath his skirt to grab at his ass and when Eli's only reaction is a surge of arousal at the insult and another lukewarm attempt of getting between Mantis' legs, there is a loud sound of skin hitting skin.

Eli turns his head back to look at him open-mouthed and in awe; his right cheek reddened and stinging enough for Mantis to feel the phantom sensation of pain on his own skin; carefully taking Eli's face in his hands to kiss him softly.

_Deviant._ Another groan. _Be quiet, will you?_

Nodding, Eli manages to stifle his moans in Mantis' scarf and slowly grinds against his hips. Before he can manage to try and slip his hands between Mantis' legs again however, Mantis presses his thighs together to catch the intruder and takes it in his own.

_I am still bleeding, idiot. You would make a mess._

"I think we'll make a mess no matter what... ." Eli mutters sheepishly and leads Mantis fingers down to his belt; underneath his waistband.

Mantis has seen him naked too many times to count, but even after the intimacy of the previous nights he can not bring himself to look down at the warm weight in his hand; experimentally dragging his nails up over the head and back down as he notes Eli's physical and emotional reactions carefully with narrowed eyes.

Perhaps it is the fact that until now he has never; or admittedly rarely; looked at naked bodies with sexual intentions clouding his judgement. As a child Eli had always been more naked than anything else, really, and Mantis had never wasted a thought on these circumstances before.

But his desperate gasps and the seemingly endless rise of arousal spills over to Mantis' own mind as he pushes his discomfort down to a minimum; shielding him and Eli, unsure of where one ends and the other begins, from the rest of the world for just this one moment.

It is over quickly though; as if being dragged back down to earth violently Mantis' thoughts snap into place and he sinks off the shared euphoria to notice the wet warmth covering his fingers. 

He curses quietly when after further investigation his skirt, too, turns out to be stained in the most unflattering way he can imagine and he pushes Eli off to complain. 

But Eli is on him again in a second; kissing his nose and babbling promises of affection; his mind much slower to recover from it's high than Mantis'.

_You ruined my skirt._ Mantis thinks; probably way less annoyed than he should be; and elbows Eli into the stomach.

"I'll buy you ten new ones... ." Eli drawls in response as he fixes his pants and pulls Mantis' scarf back into place. 

Mantis huffs and does not bother to remind him that _he_ is the one with a full wallet. 

  
  
While the days go by in no time the nights drag along endlessly and they both anticipate and dread the moment they slide into bed together; unsure touches and thoughts exchanged between them to be carefully observed; the sudden renaissance of certain feelings a welcome but uncomfortable change for Mantis.

Still there is that peculiar warmth spreading inside of his chest when Eli touches him; not for his own pleasure or a forced responsibility of ensuring survival.

It is the most blatant honesty he has ever felt or seen in his friend; the only motivation behind those touches being the desire to coax some kind of warped pleasure out of Mantis‘ unwilling body and mind. The response is just as sincere; Mantis lets his emotions flow openly between them and Eli eagerly laps them up like he is parched and starving; they cling to each other just like they did as children when nights were cold and dreaming turned out to be an unbearable experience. 

Maybe it is just like back then, Mantis muses, and it is but it is different too because Eli's mouth is on his chest and fingers are digging into the soft flesh of his thighs so Mantis swears he could just die like this and be stuck in that moment for all of eternity; pain, pleasure and discomfort all wrapped into one; coiled around him like a snake around its prey.

They fall asleep like that alot; only to be woken up by the others searching touches a few hours later, to repeat the game; and it really has become a game to Mantis because he can give and take what he wants; knowing Eli will obey and keep his head low; attacking only when he thinks Mantis has let his guard down. 

What Eli does not realise is that more often than not Mantis drops his defenses on purpose. 

"You like that song they played at the store today, huh?" Eli inquires as he so carefully places little bruises on Mantis' pale shoulders one by one.

"Mhm... ." Mantis hums into the pillow. _I love that band. The are from England too, you know._

"Got a thing for us English blokes now?" 

Mantis puts his hand over that annoying smirk and tries not to laugh.

_Shut up... ._

  
  
Today the train station seems even dirtier than the week before and Mantis watches a few pigeons peck at fast food wrappings and old bubblegum as he waits for Eli to buy his ticket. 

He is wearing a pair of new jeans; the ones Eli has picked out for him; the smallest size they had in stock and they are still a bit loose around his hips, but tight on the legs and otherwise very comfortable; the shop assistant had even assured Mantis that they suited him well. Made him look "cool".

One of the pigeons lands close to him and Mantis can not help but grin into his scarf. 

"Cool." He says quietly to the animal at his feet and it replies with an affirming coo.

"Hey, I'm all set." Eli is suddenly munching on some breadroll behind him, dropping crumbs everywhere and quickly catching the pigeons' attention; it doesnt take too long for them to be surrounded by the hungry birds and Mantis giggles when one of them tries to hop onto Eli's arm.

After some cursing and negotiations the pigeons eventually win and Eli reluctantly sacrifices his breakfast to get away from them.

"So," Mantis starts while snapping the rubber band around his wrist rythmically. "When do you leave?"

Eli sits down beside him on a bank in the designated waiting area and shrugs; trying to keep his face neutral. 

"The train arrives in about thirty minutes, so we still have some time left... ."

Mantis nods but doesnt say anything; plays with the rubber band and stares at his feet. He knows that they eventually have to seperate again; he has known this whole time and even before agreeing to meet up in Berlin, he had been aware that this would be the most difficult part for him. 

Reaching out to Eli's mind next to him, it feels as if he is not alone with that though.

"Come with me." Eli says again and grabs Mantis hand to hold it still in his lap, looks at him with determined eyes and a snarl playing around his lips. "Nobody will know. I'll check on you and make sure to get you books and music and... ." He trails off and turns away.

"They're probably going to deploy more units to the Middle East if the mess down there keeps getting bigger; the Iraquis won't stop threatening Kuwait and of course the Americans aren't doing shit about it. This isn't going to end well." Eli sighs. "It's not confirmed yet but I will probably have to go too, so I don't know when we can see each other again, Mantis."

He does not have to be able to see Eli's face to know that he is biting down his frustrations and anger: a cold grimace spreading across his features that starkly reminds Mantis of the horned man.

"Please, Mantis. Just come with me."

Unable to speak out loud, Mantis coughs and shakes his head.

_Eli, I told you before; I can not do that._

Eli lets go of his hand and crosses his arms.

"Why?! It's not like there is anything important for you to leave behind; you can get a new job; a better one if thats what you're so focused on; and you won't have to be all alone hiding away in bloody Russia anymore ‑ "

_I am not all alone._ Mantis thinks and snaps the rubber band again. _And that is exactly the problem._

Eli is staring at him again; this time in irritation and confusion.

_I need to learn how to do things by myself. I know that has never been a problem for you, but I can not stand existing like this anymore; I am not real; not a person; you said that yourself._

"I didn't mean - "

Mantis leans against him and wraps his arms around Eli's shoulders to hide his face in the warm crook between his neck and shoulder to breathe in his scent; the hotel's soap and the smell of coffee and sweat only a small comfort.

_We both know it is the truth. You can not lie to me. Ever._

Eli is silent and does not move for a very long time, but then finally draws Mantis closer as the hollow announcement of his trains' arrival echoes through the station. 

  
  
On Monday night Mantis returns to Moscow.

His apartment looks just like he has left it; but he supposes that Ocelot still had used the chance to sniff around a little; even though he is probably aware that Mantis has not much to hide.

Not in here, at least.

After setting down his bags and kicking off his boots he undoes the straps of his mask and grabs the phone; twirls the cord around his fingers as he waits for the old man to pick up.

"You're late. I expected you to return around six. I even had someone sent to pick you up at the station. Did you run into trouble?"

Mantis frowns and scrunches up his nose in distaste for the cold reception.

"No," He wipes his face. "I am fine. The ride just took longer than planned, that is all."

He is pretty sure he can hear Ocelot play with that horrible moustache of his when there is no immediate reply. Then, finally:

"I'll be at your place in an hour."

"What? Why?"

A chuckle.

"Ah, let's just say; I have gotten an offer for something that _might_ interest you."

Mantis inhales to speak again, but before he is able to ask any more questions Ocelot has already hung up.

So he decides to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay we finally made it through the FIRST part of this mess! big thanks to aireyv for keeping me at gunpoint to uh ... motivate me  
> dunno when ill start posting the next part but the mgs wintergames are coming up so ill probably be a bit busy for a little while >:^)
> 
> the song playing at the store is obviously 'why cant i be you' by the cure thank you very much

**Author's Note:**

> finally im doing something of a bit longer story :'^) though its still _mostly_ character and relationship studies because what else is there in this world for me huh


End file.
